William Katz:  Urgent Agenda

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SHORT TAKES ON THE DRIFTING WRECKAGE – AT 11:24 A.M. ET:

EPA SAVES US AGAIN – The Environmental Protection Agency tonight intercepted a sled driven by a silly old man and pulled by an unspecified number of tired reindeer.  The EPA charged the driver, whose name has not been released, with a number of serious violations:  1) polluting the air by using unfiltered power sources; 2) violation of current light-bulb standards by using an old-style, energy-inefficient bulb to provide a red nose for one of the reindeer; 3) failure to obtain a permit for operating what the EPA describes as a vehicle capable of being used as a snowmobile; 4) possession of lollipops and other gifts not formally cleared by the Food and Drug Administration; 5) failure to have an EPA sticker on the sled giving government mileage ratings.  The EPA warned that there may also be charges filed by the IRS over tax questions involving SONY PlayStations carried aboard the sled without verifiable sales receipts.

ADMISSION – The White House has admitted that a huge sign painted on its lawn, directed upward toward the heavens, was in fact aimed at the very sled described in our first evening post, above.  The sign said: "Yo, bearded guy, you didn't build that sled yourself."

GORED – Al Gore expressed "extreme disappointment and rage" an hour ago when learning that the sled driver refused to concede that the North Pole is melting at an abnormal rate.  Gore said he had suspicions about the driver's real employer, noting that the red in the driver's suit matched the red in the Texaco sign.  Gore called for reindeer all over the world to refuse to pull that sled again.  So far, two reindeer who live in Beverly Hills have agreed.

Ho ho ho.

December 24, 2012