ABOUT TO SAIL – AT 10:48 A.M. ET:  To answer the question I'm getting from readers, yes, I did finish the ark, in anticipation of Hurricane Irene.

I was ordered by the federal government to build an ark, and was able to finance it under the wonderful cash-for-old-arks program, for which I thank our visionary president.  The ark conforms to EPA standards, was built from scrap wood, rather than sacrifice new trees, and is, of course, powered by sails bought from GoreSail, a company operating from the basement of a Tennessee mansion.

I was ordered to fill the ark with two of each kind of species, with the exception that certain species, because of past exclusion from other arks over the centuries, could be overrepresented as an affirmative gesture of remorse.  My ark is free of society's usual bigotries.  The navigator is a penguin of color.  Of course, should there be a disciplinary infraction, Sharia law will apply if the defendant wishes. 

We will sail before Irene hits.  Our first stop will be Gaza, where we will deliver medical supplies to the guests of the two new luxury hotels that were just built there.  There has been an emergency call for caviar. 

Oh, by the way, our ark features free wi-fi, so we'll be on the air during our voyage.

Should you form a new species over the weekend, and wish to be included, please let us know, but first get approval from the Ark Rights division of the Justice Department. 

Must go.  I see two liberals getting on board, hoping to preserve their species.

August 27, 2011