SNIPPETS

JULY 10,  2010

NEW YORK, July 9 (UPI) -- A New York high school fired two female teachers who were found one recent evening allegedly drunk and at least partially naked in a classroom, officials said.

JULY 9,  2010

(Reuters) - Some Germans are calling for a public roasting of the oracle octopus who correctly picked the winner of all six of their national soccer team's World Cup matches -- including a bitter defeat to Spain on Wednesday.  Paul, a two-year-old octopus in a German aquarium, turned into a global celebrity for his uncanny ability to predict the winner of all Germany's matches -- even a group stage defeat to Serbia and an ousting by Spain in the semi-finals.

If Germans really think that an octopus can predict soccer matches, then the age of German technology is truly over.

JULY 8,  2010

LAS VEGAS, July 7 (UPI) -- Nevada's judicial ethics committee said a non-profit research organization may not auction off luncheon dates with District Court judges.

Damn.  I was just about to buy a Nevada judge.  I always miss out on the sales.

JULY 7,  2010

WASHINGTON, July 6 (UPI) -- The U.S. Transportation Security Administration offered a reminder Tuesday to military members: When flying commercial, don't pack explosives -- live or inert.  "Prohibited items include blasting caps, dynamite, fireworks, flares, hand grenades and explosives, either real or replicated," the TSA said in a statement released by the Defense Department.

If only they'd be this tough on terrorists.

JULY 6,  2010

This just in, from London's Telegraph:  In an attempt to rid the country of "decadent Western cuts," Iran's culture ministry has produced a catalogue of men's haircuts that meet government approval.  The list of banned styles includes ponytails, mullets and elaborate spikes. However,quiffs appear to be acceptable, as are fashioning one's hair in the style of Simon Cowell or cultivating a 1980s-style floppy fringe.

And these styles look wonderful with suicide belts.

JULY 5,  2010

PORT ORANGE, Fla., July 2 (UPI) -- A south Florida middle school teacher was fined for allegedly having a student lead a classmate around on a leash, authorities say.  The Florida Education Practices Commission fined Teresa Volkman, a social studies teacher at Silver Sands Middle School in Port Orange, Fla., $5,000 for professional misconduct, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported.

Question:  Why is this teacher being allowed back in the classroom?

JULY 4,  2010

From the New York Post:  A Hell's Kitchen bar packed with fans of Argentina watching their team take on Germany in the World Cup were shocked when a man walked in dressed up as one their opponent's biggest fans -- Adolf Hitler.  The faux fuhrer was really a self-styled moviemaker named Steve Staso, who wore a taped-on moustache, a tan Nazi-like outfit and a swastika armband at Café Andalucia on Ninth Avenue.  Staso, 55, gave off stiff-armed Nazi salutes as he happily watched "his" German squad beat Argentina in a blitzkrieg-like 4-0 win.

Argentina and the Nazis – together again!

JULY 3,  2010

PUNTA GORDA, Fla., July 2 (UPI) -- A Florida man charged with breaking into a neighbor's house says he simply got disoriented during a walk and thought he was in his own home.  Sheriff's deputies in Charlotte County in southwest Florida did not believe the story, WBBH-TV, Fort Myers, reported. Cody Hansen has been charged with the unarmed burglary of an unoccupied house.

It's the old walk disorientation defense.  Given the state of American justice, I'll bet it works.

JULY 2,  2010

Social bulletin from the New York Daily News:  Al and Tipper Gore won't need directions to Chelsea Clinton's wedding. They're not going.  As news broke Thursday that the former First Daughter's planned July 31 wedding to investment banker Marc Mezvinsky will take place in upstate Rhinebeck at Astor Courts, the Stanford White-designed former estate, Gatecrasher learned that the former vice president and his estranged wife won't be there.  "The Gores are not attending the wedding," family spokeswoman Kalee Kreider said in a statement. "They both wish Chelsea well, believe she is a wonderful young woman, and they share in the family's excitement."

Well, this certainly ruins it for me.  How can Chelsea get married without the Gores, or former Gores, there?   There are rumors that Al didn't approve of the amount of electricity being used.