ALERT BARACK!

Posted at 9:25 p.m. ET

The Iranians have apparently not gotten the shooting script. Or maybe they got an earlier version.  Now, in the version that I hear is current, President Obama invites Iran to a conference without preconditions.  The young president attends, embraces and kisses all members of the Iranian delegation, makes an impassioned speech saying how proud he is of his middle name, and Iran stops developing nuclear weapons.  The nuclear-weapons factories are turned into production facilities to make remote controls for toy racing cars.

Madonna sings about it in a "Welcome home, President Change" segment.

That's the current version.  But the Iranian government-mouthpiece press seems to have a different story.

TEHRAN (FNA)- A top adviser to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that Iran would hold talks with the United States only if its forces leave the Middle East and Washington ends its support for Israel.

Wait!  You mean Iran has preconditions?  What the..?  This is something Sarah Palin arranged, isn't it?  Sure.  She has that sneaky look.

But will someone alert Barack?  Please! 

Mahdi Kalhor, an adviser to Ahmadinejad on cultural and media affairs, said on Saturday that as long as US forces remain in the region and the US backs Israel, talks will not take place.

There must be something illegal in this.  How can anyone turn down The One?

The United States and Iran broke diplomatic relations in April 1980, after Iranian students seized the United States' espionage center at its embassy in Tehran. The two countries have had tense relations ever since.

Of course.  See what happens when you snub the mullahs?  Barack won't do that. 

Look, maybe the Iranians are just upset with Bush.  They'll drop these preconditions as soon as Barack takes office, and we'll negotiate.

That's right, isn't it?  That's the way it has to work.  Right?  Anyone?

October 17, 2008.